How to be unHappy within seven minutes
- spencers14
- 3. Aug. 2016
- 7 Min. Lesezeit
-1-
I lived in six shared flats over the last three years and got to know people from so many different cultures. Everyone had his own little story and the older we get, the more packages we have to carry on our back.
Some people are flexible, honest, trustworthy and goodhearted, they are loyal and uncomplicated, they have their own opinion but leave space for discussions to broaden their views, they are open minded and adventurous, without talking you into something. They are self-reliant but really appreciate your company.
But nobody has it all. And that’s normal and in the more of these attributes you find yourself in, the better people can get along with you. And if not, it is not YOUR problem.
It is most definitely them who is causing an issue. So don’t let this hold you awake at night because it is not your problem. There is already someone not being able to sleep full of anger, doubts and dissatisfaction– them.
A short example: I ride my bike on the street and somebody is shouting at me, that this is a one-way street and that I am not supposed to ride into the wrong direction. The street was 20 metres long and I was well aware that I was not supposed to do it. I got angry when I drove along and then I reminded myself: This guy is standing on a thursday afternoon with a bottle of beer on the street shouting at people that don’t listen to traffic rules. What a sad life. I passed by and left him alone with his bad mood and his worthless behaviour and I also left my anger right with him. Cause this situation was only HIS problem. It was on me to either take it personal or leave it with him. And this is applicable for so many situations in life.
-2-
When we went to Highschool we couldn’t really choose with whom to hang out with.
We were sort of caught in this fixed structure of classes and social boundaries and it was hard to break out of it.
Later in University we just wanted to make some new friends for not being alone and sometimes ended up in groups of people that weren’t good for us either.
This girl for instance, complaining the whole time about the bad classes and teachers, about the stupid stuff we had to learn and about the bad weather. Then this other girl who forgot to invite you to her predrink party or that boy you became friends with and then completely ignored you after he got a girlfriend.
It is really hard to distinguish people that are good for you from the ones that aren’t. Sometimes you realise after years that someone exhausted you so much that you forgot yourself and sometimes people just change and don’t fit together anymore.
The hardest situation of the last years actually was to realise that there are close friends to whom I am not as important as they are to me.
I realised that I always wanted them to like me and couldn’t be myself near them. After I’ve seen them I was miserable and didn’t know why. Cause it is exhausting to try to be liked.
First you cannot be friends with everyone. The best friends will never be more than a couple and then find out with whom you can laugh, you can just be yourself, you dare to say everything, you discuss and you can be honest, the people you could call in the middle of the night, and who are doing the same to you. This is something we need to learn and it’s not easy. But once done you can get the best version out of yourself. Yourself.
-3-
Especially in a superficial view we tend to try to look like someone else. Or at least be a mix of certain people. The hair from this person, the legs from that person. Thinking this way, we will never be satisfied because we will never look exactly like someone else.
There will always be this tiny glimps of…well…of you.
And that’s good cause it is you and nobody else.
It is great to get inspiration by people, artists, the nature, even animals, colours and so on. The biggest designers get their inspiration from things that are already there but they create it new with their own personal note.
The same with your idea of whom you are aiming to become. The greatest people are characterized by not trying to be someone.
They create something new, something unknown, something every single one of the 9 Billion people on earth could create.
Because the way every single person on earth sees things, is unique and so is the way we create things.
We just need to find access to it. And this doesn’t happen through following certain people on Instagram. The only thing what happens is that all 15 year old girls look the same.
Also the greatest people have access to their inner self.
To whom they really are.
Uncovered by society and trends. Just purely themselves.
And this is what inspires.
When I see someone on the street with a really funky and crazy outfit on which is just fitting and somehow aesthetic it shows me that this person is just himself. And I don’t talk about punks, or hippies, surfers or design students which dress not mainstream but somehow all the same in their communities. I talk about people like for example Helena Bonham Carter, the wife of Tim Burton who always looks as if she jumped right of a fairy-tale book.
This thing to just be yourself is one of the hardest parts in life, but once you did a step in this direction you can count yourself to one of the happiest people on earth.
-4-
There is always someone who will be better in something you do. Deal with it. Or better not, just forget it.
Why is that even important? We are so competitive. Every skill we have, needs to be measured by grades and qualification systems, by likes or buys.
Especially in arts which actually everyone is able to do because creativity is a human being skill.
We couldn’t survive without creating things. And the general notion of creativity such as arts like drawing, music or acting is in the same way creative like mathematics, biology or sports.
We always want to improve ourselves in things.
Always want to be the best.
Even as kids we attend competitions in sports or music some even in beauty.
And of course it’s attractive for a society to always find the best and to make people improve themselves, cause then they can contribute economically with their skills.
Stopping the thought of self-optimization cause you have to get good in something is hard but vital for happiness.
That doesn’t mean to stop being motivated to learn for instance an instrument or to learn a language.
Remind yourself that you are not doing it to become the best, you are doing it because you enjoy it.
For instance singing and drawing. So many people say ‘No I am not talented’. You are not doing it tocompete in a contest. You should try it out because it might make you feel happier. It is a way of self-expression and nobody judges it.
Only you and you shouldn’t cause you shouldn’t compare yourself ;)
-5-
I have a problem with saying no because I always feel the need of people for help too strong.
I feel it and then I want to find a solution for them.
I actually solve other people problems. Even though sometimes they don’t ask me to.
It is in my head I cannot stop it but I know I should and I try because everyone is responsible for their own lifes and if I don’t have time to take a colleagues shift or to organise the birthday present then I have to learn to say no.
How often do people say no to you? Sometimes, right? So you are allowed to say no, too.
With a good and honest argument everyone will understand why you decided to refuse. And if not you are not the problem ;)
-6-
I didn’t realise how nervous and restless the internet made me.
And especially the thought to miss something important.
Until I spend two weeks in a village in the High Atlas Mountains of Morocco.
There was no possibility to get internet or phone access and so I was offline and it felt so good.
I realised how well I slept without checking my phone before going to bed.
I am in general not a really phone reliant person and sometimes leave it at home but I realised how often I wanted to check the screen.
It is already becoming a reflex when you get the slightest intention of eventually being bored. When you are waiting for the train or going out of the classroom and don’t glimpse at your phone it’s actually uncommon.
How weird is that? And what did everyone do before phones were invented? Read? Watch others? Dream? Being bored?
In the mountains of Morocco even time didn't matter. Sometimes I just layed on the carpet in my room and looked outside the window and dreamed and invented and had the best ideas. They just needed some space to come out.
Also my Social Media Feeds have been stressing me out. I only use them for my blog and almost never for private purposes except Facebook.
I deleted the Facebook App from my phone because it is just too much information you expose yourself to.
Too many pictures, too many headlines, too many events, too many new relationships.
You forget to think about important things. About what you would like to cook tonight or with whom you’d like to meet later.
This overload of information is distracting you from real stuff,
such as reality for instance.
I also deleted all newspaper apps from my phone and unliked them on Facebook. If I want to know what’s going on in the world, I check it consciously and not in between a cat video and Rihannas nipples.
And if it is something really important I will get to know about it as soon as it concerns me.
People lived this way hundreds of years happily, why do we need to know and share everything immediately today? That we forget to think on our own? Free yourself from information overload, it feels gooooooood
-7-
This is actually stopping you from so much. If you are doing something, and it is truly you then don’t count on other people’s opinion.
If they don’t appreciate your effort, your passion and love for what you’ve done, then they are not worth listening to.
Especially when you are publishing things somewhere. Whether online or in print, as someone who is creating stuff for the public you are laying yourself wide open to attack.
But seriously, as long as you are not creating something strongly polarizing, everyone who makes fun on you or talks bad about you, should not be considered to be close to you.
And also when you surround yourself with people that are good for you you will only get enriching critics and opinions ;)
What are your suggestions to improve your daily dose of happiness?
Write it into the comments below. Until then, stay curious. Lot's of love.C.
Comments